Anastasia email

is this seriouly how im gonna live my life?
in misery and rejection my entire life?
im mocked by 6 year olds, and powerless to stop them.
if i try, im the one blamed. im the one in trouble.
my entire life its been this way.
a slaves life. a rejects life.
am i ever going to change?
am i ever going to hit people back?
i can feel my shell growing thicker with each barbed word.
i can the demon growing stronger, feeding on my hate, anger, and frustration.
i can feel whats left of my emotion slipping away each and every day.
i can feel my will to live fading.
someday, somebodys going to try to hit me, and i wont be there.
ill be gone, faded away, because they couldn't or wouldn't see the hurt, frustration, and desperation in my eyes.
i escape into music or pain.
but someday, someday its not going to be enough.
someday, ill take the pain farther, farther than it's ever been.
that day is coming close, the day when ill blow, or just fade with no sound at all.
and all because nobody would see.
i have nobody to turn to, because they've all hurt me.
and once they have, ill never trust them again.
it's suprising to people how few people i trust.
not to me. im suprised that i trust people at all.
i joke and play around, to conceal that i have no emotion or feeling.
i feel so empty, and someday im going sucked into the black hole my heart has beome.

inspired by: a tortured soul
i smile and wave everyday
everyday getting closer to my gloomy day
i've done nothing to anybody
but nobody wants to be my buddy
it's that which makes me wants to end my breath
thanks to you, my friend is death
but i rejoice is this pain
it leaves me no gain
it leaves me free to cut,
and to hide my scars, but,
the day has come that i will be no more
to me, life was such a bore
i tried calling out,
but me, no one cared about
so i am gone, for good,
and everybody who wished me pain,
you have succeeded
go torture someone else's soul

Death is a flighty Emperor,
Conquering everyone and everything.
His appetite is never sated,
You never know when he will come.
He might eat quick, he might eat slow,
But the basic rules are the same.
No matter what you think or say,
No matter what you do,
If you are rich or poor,
The King of Darkness will always come.
Even in the daylight, you are never secure.
You are never safe from the Dark.
He can be like ivy, slowly strangling a victim,
Dragging it down away from the light, air and life.
Or he can be a shark, quick, fast, and deadly.
You never know if He will take a friend, family, or stranger.
He must eat everyday, and we must be His prey.

Love is insecure.
It hurts, and makes you bleed inside.
But it also makes you feel warm, cozy, and safe.
It's a mixed emotion, happiness, pain, warmth, and hurts.
With one word, it can send you careening off a cliff.
But with an action can make you land on a blanket of security.
Love is insecure.

Love is incontrollable.
It's such a mixed feeling.
It's hurt, happiness, pain, warmth, and so much more.
An action or word will send you flying off into a bottomless void of despair.
But a hug, a kiss, a touch, will bring you back up into the light and air.
And yet, everybody needs it, despite the pain.
Everybody needs it, and yearns for it.
Nobody can live without it.
It's such a mixed feeling, it's never really pure.
And yet, people call it, 'true love.'
Love can never be tamed, harnessed, or held captured.
It's a wild mustang, bucking to be freed.
Fighting 'till Death, never wanting to be behind bars.
Love is incontrollable.

Death is as cold, hard, and cruel as obsidian.
He is unmerciful, never answering pleas.
Never giving help, not even to Himself.
His scythe, sharp as keen wit, and cold as a midwinters morning,
Separates a persons body from soul, and deal misery all 'round, in a single Moment, or several.
He is slow, deadly fast, and everywhere.
Invisible, undetected, right behind you.
He does not care who He claims, as long as He takes.
Death lives on lifeforce, but even if starved, He will never die.
His curse is to live for eternity.
And our curse is to remain prey to Him, while He lives for eternity.
Death is cold, hard, and cruel.

Fear is a hateful thing.
It claws at your heart, tearing and ripping,
trying to get a grip.
It makes you lose reason, lose all common sense.
It binds you in place, unable to move,
And it covers your mind in it's sticky black goo.
But Fear can be a good thing.
Making you tight-lipped,
Frozen while the bullet whizzes by your head.
It clears your mind of everything but what to do to survive.
And that which we hate saves our lives.
Or it can tell us we do love someone,
If you think somethings bad going to happen to them.
Fear is a hateful yet wonderful thing.