The Dwarves Go Marching

The dwarves go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah!
The dwarves go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah!
The dwarves go marching one by one, they beat up goblins and think it's fun,
And they all go marching down, into the ground, 'cause that's where dwarves live,
Boom Boom Boom!

The dwarves go marching two by two, hurrah, hurrah!
The dwarves go marching two by two, hurrah, hurrah!
The dwarves go marching two by two, they scoff at elevator shoes,
And they all go marching down, into the ground, 'cause that's where dwarves live,
Boom Boom Boom!

The dwarves go marching three by three, hurrah, hurrah!
The dwarves go marching three by three, hurrah, hurrah!
The dwarves go marching three by three, their underware rusts when they go pee,
And they all go marching down, into the ground, 'cause that's where dwarves live,
Boom Boom Boom!

The dwarves go marching four by four, hurrah, hurrah!
The dwarves go marching four by four, hurrah, hurrah!
The dwarves go marching four by four, they don't hit their heads on the lintels of doors,
And they all go marching down, into the ground, 'cause that's where dwarves live,
Boom Boom Boom!

The dwarves go marching five by five, hurrah, hurrah!
The dwarves go marching five by five, hurrah, hurrah!
The dwarves go marching five by five, they don't see the sun for most of their lives,
And they all go marching down, into the ground, 'cause that's where dwarves live,
Boom Boom Boom!


The dwarves go marching six by six, hurrah, hurrah!
The dwarves go marching six by six, hurrah, hurrah!
The dwarves go marching six by six, don't make 'em mad, they'll hit you with picks,
And they all go marching down, into the ground, 'cause that's where dwarves live,
Boom Boom Boom!

The dwarves go marching seven by seven, hurrah, hurrah!
The dwarves go marching seven by seven, hurrah, hurrah!
The dwarves go marching seven by seven, they drink and fight and think it's heaven,
And they all go marching down, into the ground, 'cause that's where dwarves live,
Boom Boom Boom!


The dwarves go marching eight by eight, hurrah, hurrah!
The dwarves go marching eight by eight, hurrah, hurrah!
The dwarves go marching eight by eight, the women have beards and think it's great!
And they all go marching down, into the ground, 'cause that's where dwarves live,
Boom Boom Boom!


The dwarves go marching nine by nine, hurrah, hurrah!
The dwarves go marching nine by nine, hurrah, hurrah!
The dwarves go marching nine by nine, they sign Hi-Ho in the bottom of mines,
And they all go marching down, into the ground, 'cause that's where dwarves live,
Boom Boom Boom!


The dwarves go marching ten by ten, hurrah, hurrah!
The dwarves go marching ten by ten, hurrah, hurrah!
The dwarves go marching ten by ten, unless you start over, this is the end!
And they all go marching down, into the ground, 'cause that's where dwarves live,
Boom Boom Boom!



Phil & Kaja Foglio are the co-creators of the best sci-fi/fantasy webcomic out there, Girl Genius. One of the main anti-heroes is an unjust but fair despot named Klaus Wulfenbach. This is the regimental march for one of his armies. It is set to the tune Over There of World War I fame.

7th Groundnaut Mechanical March


Johann get your gun,
Men and Clanks, into ranks.
Gonna have some fun,
we've never run, we're number one.
From Atlantic Ocean to Black Sea,
Trouble's where we'll be!
You better run away,
If you stay, you're gonna pay,
We're prepared to fight,
Land or sky, day or night.
7th Groundnaut Mechanical,
If you think we're wimps that's bull!

(Chorus)

Over here, over there,
Spread the word, spread the word everywhere -
That the Clanks are comin',
The Clanks are comin',
The gears are hummin'
Ev'rywhere.
So beware, best be scared,
Wulfenbach's on the move, take a care,
We're the Fighting 7th, the Big Brass Menace,
And you don't want us coming, not coming
Over there.

Brothers to the end,
Our honor, we'll defend,
Frenchies, Brits or Huns
Europa's bravest sons.
Other, Construct, Spark, oh my,
Mess with us and die!
Family to the hilt,
Brass or blood, born or built,
Once you join the ranks,
We're all one, men or Clanks.
The Big Brass Menace, always true,
We are the Brass and Blue!

(chorus)


I missed a couple of installments due to writer's block while composing Always Time To Do It Over, and as a thank you to everyone who kept checking for new updates, I presented a more modern and realistic take on a well known Christmas carol.

The Dozen Days of Christmas

On the First day of Christmas
My true love said to me,
Please stop singing that song.

On the Second day of Christmas
my true love said to me,
Didn't you hear me?
Please stop singing that song.

On the Third day of Christmas
my true love said to me,
Turn down that music.
Didn't you hear me?
Please stop singing that song.


On the Fourth day of Christmas
my true love said to me,
Look I'm not kidding.
Turn down that music.
Didn't you hear me?
Please stop singing that song.

On the Fifth day of Christmas
my true love said to me,
Will You Shut Up?!
Look I'm not kidding.
Turn down that music.
Didn't you hear me?
Please stop singing that song.

On the Sixth day of Christmas
my true love said to me,
You think you're funny.
Will You Shut Up?!
Look I'm not kidding.
Turn down that music.
Didn't you hear me?
Please stop singing that song.

On the Seventh day of Christmas
my true love said to me,
You're so immature.
You think you're funny.
Will You Shut Up?!
Look I'm not kidding.
Turn down that music.
Didn't you hear me?
Please stop singing that song.

On the Eighth day of Christmas
my true love said to me,
Dad was right about you.
You're so immature.
You think you're funny.
Will You Shut Up?!
Look I'm not kidding.
Turn down that music.
Didn't you hear me?
Please stop singing that song.

On the Ninth day of Christmas
my true love said to me,
I'm going back to mother.
Dad was right about you.
You're so immature.
You think you're funny.
Will You Shut Up?!
Look I'm not kidding.
Turn down that music.
Didn't you hear me?
Please stop singing that song.

On the Tenth day of Christmas
my true love said to me,
This is your last chance.
I'm going back to mother.
Dad was right about you.
You're so immature.
You think you're funny.
Will You Shut Up?!
Look I'm not kidding.
Turn down that music.
Didn't you hear me?
Please stop singing that song.

On the Eleventh day of Christmas
my true love said to me,
You'll be hearing from my lawyer.
This is your last chance.
I'm going back to mother.
Dad was right about you.
You're so immature.
You think you're funny.
Will You Shut Up?!
Look I'm not kidding.
Turn down that music.
Didn't you hear me?
Please stop singing that song.

On the Twelth day of Christmas
my true love said to me,
SLAM!!
I should have stopped singing that song.